Resolutions
Well I posted this one on my blog at MySpace... So I will repost here and go through and try to explain a few things as needed....
New Years Resolutions... can't say that I have ever really been serious about making them aside from the "stop chewing my fingernails" one that I think I made every year since I was about 5 years old. Never have succeeded at that one. This year, though, I have some resolutions that are very real and I must keep or I fear my life will not be good.
First of all, I absolutely must get into good health. For the last 11 years or so my health has deteriorated so greatly that I am now aching everyday, and then some, and I long so much to feel good again. Not able to play with my kids like a mother should. High cholesterol, diabetes, probably fibromyalgia, in addition to polycystic ovary syndrome. This is the year that I will get my health under control. To start this I plan to follow through with having WLS hopefully in February. I blogged about that in April and since then have been working with my insurance company to pay for it. Well, I am on the last leg of the process and I will be approved in a week or two. Finally, finally, I will get to take a step that could very likely reverse the diabetes, get rid of the aches and pains, prevent me from having to have the faschia cut in one foot, and get PCOS under control.
And what about IAAP you ask?? Well, WLS will kick my ass right into gear and give me that one more tool I need to faithfully stick to the IAAP, and I am determined to do it more than ever.
Also I will, I absolutely will get my teeth all fixed. They are nice teeth. I had braces and they're all straight and perfect. But I have been so deathly afraid of dentists that I have not been to one in 14 years. I will go back and I will get my teeth all taken care of and I may even splurge on some good whitening stuff. I have an appointment in a week if I don't chicken out. I am bound and determined to not go to a sedation dentist so wish me luck. You are wondering how I did all the dentist/orthadontic stuff up to 14 years ago?? Well I had a ROCKIN' dentist who I loved and who gave me laughing gas and listened to me sing to him ("future's so bright ya gotta wear shades...."). This was after a mean nasty one that I had when I was little. So anyhoo, my dentist was mine from about age 5 till age 21 and he was wonderful and knew I had a phobia. Then he retired. 14 years ago. And I haven't been to a dentist since.
I will also have at least one tattoo this year. What? You think I am going to hell for that?? Well, alrighty then. More on that later.
This year I vow to turn my life in a new direction, to be a better mother to my kids, to find a direction and a plan for our future. You may not know this but, my two oldest kids went to live with their grandma after Christmas (my mom). They started school there and already seem to be thriving. You ask yourself, how could any mother do this? Well, it is killing me, I miss them like crazy, but all I can say is, Right now I know it's best for them. They are getting to do fun things with their grandma and take part in activities that they didn't get to here. They are also going to be kids again and not little mommy and little daddy to their younger siblings, who constantly break and get into all their things. Something told me they needed a break from this and they needed some time to be kids and have fun and enjoy school, something told me that maybe grandma needed them just a little bit too. So we talk on the phone everyday, and everyday I worry that I didn't make the right decision, but everyday they sound so happy and so good that my heartbreak is comforted. I hope it was the right choice. I have been so depressed lately, dealing with the loss of my sister, and they just didn't need to live with that anymore. By the time school is out and they come back I hope to have things under control and be able to be a fun mom for them again. There is more to it but, I will get into that later.
I want to find me again. I know that means first getting healthy, then a career. Very strongly considering nursing at this point in time. I went to college for music but worked my way through as a nurse aid. So nursing shouldn't be too far out there for me. I also was an EMT for a while. And then there is music. Always such a huge part of my life, I must find a way to get back to that. Join a band or something again. I miss singing.
Well wish me luck in keeping my resolutions this year. I would still like to stop chewing my fingernails too..... that would be a great one to finally achieve. Pray for my kids that they all go through these next few months well. Little Charleigh misses her "mi-mi" (Madi) terribly and is having a tough time sleeping without her. It is a time of change for all of us. We will be okay though, I know we will.
I should add here that my dear friend from many years ago (OK to heck with that dear friend crap, my BFF for life, practically my twin, my partner in MANY MANY crimes), Kristi, takes care of Madi and Tristan everyday after school and they just adore her. Her son and Tristan are the same age and have hit it off wonderfully. Kristi and I were like sisters, and I am so happy, and so much more at peace with my decision, since she is being a part of their lives right now too. Madison is excited to learn flute from Kristi and guitar from Jeremy. I might end up passing along the music gene yet.
OK so..... enough for today. Keep your head's up. It's a new year and we're going places.
New Years Resolutions... can't say that I have ever really been serious about making them aside from the "stop chewing my fingernails" one that I think I made every year since I was about 5 years old. Never have succeeded at that one. This year, though, I have some resolutions that are very real and I must keep or I fear my life will not be good.
First of all, I absolutely must get into good health. For the last 11 years or so my health has deteriorated so greatly that I am now aching everyday, and then some, and I long so much to feel good again. Not able to play with my kids like a mother should. High cholesterol, diabetes, probably fibromyalgia, in addition to polycystic ovary syndrome. This is the year that I will get my health under control. To start this I plan to follow through with having WLS hopefully in February. I blogged about that in April and since then have been working with my insurance company to pay for it. Well, I am on the last leg of the process and I will be approved in a week or two. Finally, finally, I will get to take a step that could very likely reverse the diabetes, get rid of the aches and pains, prevent me from having to have the faschia cut in one foot, and get PCOS under control.
And what about IAAP you ask?? Well, WLS will kick my ass right into gear and give me that one more tool I need to faithfully stick to the IAAP, and I am determined to do it more than ever.
Also I will, I absolutely will get my teeth all fixed. They are nice teeth. I had braces and they're all straight and perfect. But I have been so deathly afraid of dentists that I have not been to one in 14 years. I will go back and I will get my teeth all taken care of and I may even splurge on some good whitening stuff. I have an appointment in a week if I don't chicken out. I am bound and determined to not go to a sedation dentist so wish me luck. You are wondering how I did all the dentist/orthadontic stuff up to 14 years ago?? Well I had a ROCKIN' dentist who I loved and who gave me laughing gas and listened to me sing to him ("future's so bright ya gotta wear shades...."). This was after a mean nasty one that I had when I was little. So anyhoo, my dentist was mine from about age 5 till age 21 and he was wonderful and knew I had a phobia. Then he retired. 14 years ago. And I haven't been to a dentist since.
I will also have at least one tattoo this year. What? You think I am going to hell for that?? Well, alrighty then. More on that later.
This year I vow to turn my life in a new direction, to be a better mother to my kids, to find a direction and a plan for our future. You may not know this but, my two oldest kids went to live with their grandma after Christmas (my mom). They started school there and already seem to be thriving. You ask yourself, how could any mother do this? Well, it is killing me, I miss them like crazy, but all I can say is, Right now I know it's best for them. They are getting to do fun things with their grandma and take part in activities that they didn't get to here. They are also going to be kids again and not little mommy and little daddy to their younger siblings, who constantly break and get into all their things. Something told me they needed a break from this and they needed some time to be kids and have fun and enjoy school, something told me that maybe grandma needed them just a little bit too. So we talk on the phone everyday, and everyday I worry that I didn't make the right decision, but everyday they sound so happy and so good that my heartbreak is comforted. I hope it was the right choice. I have been so depressed lately, dealing with the loss of my sister, and they just didn't need to live with that anymore. By the time school is out and they come back I hope to have things under control and be able to be a fun mom for them again. There is more to it but, I will get into that later.
I want to find me again. I know that means first getting healthy, then a career. Very strongly considering nursing at this point in time. I went to college for music but worked my way through as a nurse aid. So nursing shouldn't be too far out there for me. I also was an EMT for a while. And then there is music. Always such a huge part of my life, I must find a way to get back to that. Join a band or something again. I miss singing.
Well wish me luck in keeping my resolutions this year. I would still like to stop chewing my fingernails too..... that would be a great one to finally achieve. Pray for my kids that they all go through these next few months well. Little Charleigh misses her "mi-mi" (Madi) terribly and is having a tough time sleeping without her. It is a time of change for all of us. We will be okay though, I know we will.
I should add here that my dear friend from many years ago (OK to heck with that dear friend crap, my BFF for life, practically my twin, my partner in MANY MANY crimes), Kristi, takes care of Madi and Tristan everyday after school and they just adore her. Her son and Tristan are the same age and have hit it off wonderfully. Kristi and I were like sisters, and I am so happy, and so much more at peace with my decision, since she is being a part of their lives right now too. Madison is excited to learn flute from Kristi and guitar from Jeremy. I might end up passing along the music gene yet.
OK so..... enough for today. Keep your head's up. It's a new year and we're going places.
posted by ~ Tarra ~ @ 10:48 PM
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